No such thing as “too attached”

Boy and girl standing next to each other

When someone says they’re a foster parent, they’re often met with the response, “I don’t know how you do it. I could never foster because I’d get too attached.” This idea upsets many foster parents because the truth is foster parents are no different than anyone else. They fall in love with these children and care for them like their own children and then the children leave and go back home.

Many foster families experience a great sense of loss when a foster child goes home, but that’s a good thing. There’s no such thing as getting “too attached” to a foster child. These children are like all other children and they crave love and attention. Many of these children have been neglected or abused and have never experienced the love of a parent for a child.

Foster children have been removed from their home and sometimes their school and community. They are away from most of the people they’ve ever known because it was not safe for them for whatever reason. These children are often scared and feel alone in a new house with a new and unfamiliar family. Even though being in care is the best thing for the time being, they still experience a huge disruption to their development and need some sort of normalcy.

One Arkansas foster mom said, “I look into his precious eyes and wonder again, ‘How could anyone not fall in love with you? How could anyone hurt you? How could anyone abandon you?’ The questions haunt me as days pass and I find myself loving more than the day before, loving so much it hurts, holding tight to another day, treasuring each darling moment because I know tomorrow might bring the phone call that [takes] him from my home, but never from my heart.

I take my anxious thoughts to the throne of the Great I Am, feel peace flood my body, and rest in this knowledge: While this energetic, fun, sweet, and precious child dwells in my home, whether just today, tomorrow, or forever, I will pour all the love I can into him, believing that God knows best and will work all for good, for I know I am called according to His purpose. Yes, oh my, yes, foster parents love their foster children.”

Whether it’s a few days, weeks, or longer, the love a foster family shows a child will last a lifetime. Many former foster children can recall the names of those families that loved them while their parents were getting the help they needed. Foster families often think back to the children they’ve had in their home and still feel concern about their well-being.

When the day comes that a foster child leaves the foster home and gets to return home, it is a joyous occasion for the child. For many foster families it is a very sad day filled with many tears because have grown to deeply love a child that was not their own. They have put the child’s need for love of their fear of loss. A foster family that grieves when a child goes home has loved that child the way they deserve to be loved. That sadness, though, is often quickly replaced with the joy of knowing that a child has been reunited with their family.

If you’re worried about getting too attached, then you would make an excellent foster parent. The foster children in Arkansas need families that have a heart so big it hurts when they’re gone. To find out more about fostering, attend an Info Meeting in your county.